Relationships…

Over the last couple of weeks I have been watching the people around me.  And folks are having a ROUGH time.  So, I had to deviate from the planned message to type this one.  Romantic relationships can be difficult to understand even in the most ideal of circumstances.  If you are anything like me you would love to avoid relationship problems. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I’ve tried relationship problems seemed to hunt me down and attack me!

There are so many conflicting messages in the world about relationships that most of us don’t know what to expect or even hope for in a relationship. Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something.  They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good.  In reality, the only way the relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place you go to take. The greatest advice I have ever received was this…”Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”

I almost want to talk about the common mistakes we make….but I don’t know if I want to open that can of worms today…..ummmmmm, maybe I will. So, here we go…

One of the biggest mistakes we make is Moving Too Fast. We live in a microwave society we want it fast and we want it now. The days of waiting for things appears to be over. If you take a survey of relationship problems, you will find that moving too fast is at the top of the list. In our quests to be loved and feel loved we rush into relationships with people that we wouldn’t ordinarily even talk too! Is it because we are desperate? No! It is because most of us are tired of being alone and would rather have someone with you. One day your on cloud nine, them BAM like a ton a bricks you find out that this person was far from who you thought they were. All of this could have been avoided if you took your time and got to know the person.

Another mistake is Living in a Fantasy World. Come on think about it. You have to agree with me that you have an image of what your dream person should be like? You also have to agree with me if I said you have played out several scenarios in your head of what it would be like to spend time with that person? What you are doing is living in a fantasy world. The sad part is there is a really good chance that you expect this individual to live up to your fantasy. And they are clueless to what that fantasy is. The real truth of the matter is you created a world in which this person could not live up to.

This is by all means not the be all to end all list. Just a view of a couple mistakes I’ve made and I’ve seen made. The determined pursuit of understanding will make most issues go away and give you the opportunity to solve the rest if you take a team approach to solving them together in a positive way. Keep the problem the problem and keep your relationship a priority. Problems can be a chance to learn and grow together. Talk with each other, learn and grow, and use effective problem solving methods with a positive, productive approach to life’s challenges. This will keep your loving relationship alive and happy with mutual honesty, kindness, and respect.

Water Pistols or Cannons…

Alrighty people, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve been here. Mostly because I am lazy and also because I am busy, busy, busy.  It’s funny how I  have more to do with no job than I did when I had one….go figure.  I won’t make any promises but I will be writing more often.  I have some things we need to talk about and I would like to go to sleep at night… The thoughts that bombard my head in the wee hours of the morning have been keeping me awake for weeks.  I choose to ignore them and toss and turn instead of just doing what I needed to do so I could sleep.  Ok, ok enough of me rambling…

For months, in every meeting, every training, and almost every sermon at my church we have been hearing about the Five Paradigms of Transformation.  A paradigm is a pattern or a model. These models are the guidelines or stepping stones of a change brewing on the horizon of  our faith. We have heard  stories of extraordinary things going on all over the world. Ordinary people are doing extraordinary things that are radically transforming schools, corporations, governments, prisons, cities, and even nations. There is a change on the horizon. The winds of change are starting to gather strength and a storm is coming…change is on the way. All over our nation there is a quiet movement of the Spirit of God that is causing believers to re-examine how they “do church.” Churches are abandoning the old measures of success and adopting new models of operation. It’s no longer about size, spiritual gifts, church health, nor the number of small groups. It’s about making a significant and sustainable difference in the lives of people around us—in our communities and in our cities.  There is a growing awareness that we cannot continue to do the same old things and expect a different result. If we want to be what we were called to be, what we as the church were created to be, we have to do something different…we have to be something different!

A paradigm shift is that “aha!” moment when you see things in such a new light that you can never go back to the old ways again.  Each paradigm shift should take us from an old model of thinking that we must discard, to a new model that we must embrace.  A new paradigm is the new wineskins that will be needed to hold the new assumptions about what is true.  To maximize our impact on our communities–urban, suburban or rural, we need to change  how we currently view church.  So, my next few posts will be about the 5 Paradigms of Transformation.

A sneak peak….

5 Paradigms of Transformation

1. We are called to disciple nations.

2. We must recaim the Marketplace.

3.  Worship is labor.

4.  We must invade the kingdom of darkness.

5.  We must eliminate systemic poverty.

I hope you stay tuned in.  These guidelines are becoming a way of life for me.  And I hope they will for you too.  Be blessed and until next time Godspeed.

We Gon’ Fight….

As single women we make these lists of what our true mate should be like. Everywhere single women look, someone encourages us to find the perfect guy. Friends say, “Don’t settle.”   TV, movies,  and music shape our vision for the perfect mate. A conversation I had with a friend (Thanks, Head) really made me re-evaluate my list. It was so superficial.  He had to look like this, he had to like what I like, he had to go to the same church as me…just dumb stuff.  I’m not plumb dumb though, I know he has to be a godly man.  A godly man  means he loves God above all else. Loving God above all else is not a just feeling for him, it is first and foremost obedience to His Word.  Loving God above all else will also mean that he seeks to cultivate a relationship with Him by reading His Word, prayer, and fellowshipping with other believers through church.

A few weeks ago I had some crazy stuff jump off with my oldest son.  I was frustrated, I was at my wits end.  I called/text’d three of my male friends trying to get a male perspective and at the end of the day it left me wondering about friendships.  One gave me straight “macho” advice, one broke it down spiritually and naturally for me, and the other prayed for my strength, patience, and understanding.  At the end of the day, I began to think about my perfect mate list and it changed. Now,  I am willing to accept a short man, a poor man, an unattractive man, even a man who is not a fan of Hummus (That’s for you Tanika). However, I cannot give my consent to a man who is not a follower of Christ.

I said all that to say this….

In all honesty , there are a couple of guys out there that have my attention and combined they would fit perfectly into my “perfect man” list.  That’s probably why they ALL are still around, in one way or another each of them fills a need on that list.  Yesterday, I had to sit down and really evaluate each friendship/relationship/whatever you want to call it and choose.  I was almost forced to…one of my would be suitors made a statement that made me uneasy all day.  He told me anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Now, he is willing to fight for me but, was I willing to fight for him.  Was I willing to totally disregard the cons on my “list” and fight to make this thing work. I sat down looked at that list and the big things that I counted him out on didn’t seem that big any more. Nobody is perfect and I was trying to find the perfect man.  So, I can honestly say now “I’m gon’ fight”. Jennifer Hudson has a song that I have been playing religiously for weeks and I really began to take the lyrics to heart last night.  Being with someone, loving someone means you fight through the situations, circumstances, even the silly pro/con lists.  JIP we gon fight for love!!! I’m gon fight for you and you gon fight for me!!

I read a story today that talked about a conversation between the sun and the moon. The moon asked the sun “why is it that I oft times sit in darkness ” … the sun responded, “it is because you let the world come between us”.  Through the silliness of this list I had become encaged by  a wall, an armor of sorts, around my heart to protect it from the potential of being hurt. That’s all that list was.  But, brick by brick I will tear it down, that wall so thick and wide. Then my heart will feel again, and I’ll be new inside.  I hope that through my transparency today that somebody sees the light and moves forward.

some become encaged by fear due to those past experiences and create a wall, an armor of sorts, around the heart to protect it from the potential of being hurt again.

The Struggle is Over

Wherever you are, whatever you’ve been going through God says the struggle is over for you. You’ve been in this place long enough and your mountainside has been rough, the struggle is over for you. I am sitting here listening to this song, an immediate answer to a prayer I prayed this morning. This message is for you just as much as it is for me. In this time, in this season, we have to lay hold and believe this message. We need to remind ourselves that the trials and tribulations each one of us faces every day are only temporary. No matter what you are going through today, no matter how big the obstacles and fierce the battle may be there is and always will be VICTORY in Jesus!

To Much Is Given…

For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” (Luke 12:48)

I want to talk today about appreciation, about understanding what we have, and about what we ought to do and be because we have it. Some Christians act as if all they have to do after being saved is to sit on the sideline and wait for the next bus to heaven!

Being saved is more than just a Get Out of Hell Free card .

It’s not a chance card that advances us straight to heaven. We don’t collect $200. We don’t go straight to heaven, because God has a purpose for us, a role for us to play, in relationship with Him. We have a role, a service to do in ministry, and a mission in the world.  I heard a great quote today concerning Christian responsibility, “Jesus now has a new pair of eyes to see with, new ears to listen with, new hands to help with, a new heart to love others with.”  What are we saved for? What is our purpose in this life? Many people profess to be saved, but they never really get a personal walk with the Lord and even refuse to learn what the Bible says on some issues. But with this blessing come responsibilities, there are obligations that come with our new opportunities. There are duties that come with our new calling. We have been saved to serve. When we think of called to serve, to be a minister, to ministry, to full-time service, we tend to think of the professional clergy – pastors, ministers, missionaries, or evangelists. But the New Testament makes it quite clear that all Christians are called to belong, to love, to serve, to follow Jesus, in every moment of the day and in every area of our lives. Regardless of our work and our career, at home or outside the home, every Christian is in full-time ministry, in full-time Christian service. A non-serving Christian is a contradiction.

What about you? How are you using the resources with which God has given to you? We were saved to serve, healed to help, blessed to be a blessing. We grow up to give out. Many of us (I’m guilty too) put our service on the back burner saying, ‘I need to get myself together before I do XYZ.” Has there ever been a time when your life was totally straightened out? A time when you’ve been completely problem free? You’ve been a totally good person? Will never be a time when you feel you have “arrived” and are totally clean and ready to meet Jesus? No, and why is that, it is because the Bible says “all have sinned” Romans 3:23. “There is none righteous” no, not one” Romans 3:10. We need to do more ministry, more service, get more practical experience of doing the Lord’s work, it stretches our faith, it develops our spiritual muscles.

Most of us go to work, get the job done with no excuses. Employers want people who can do the job they are assigned. Employers do not want people working for them who are long on excuses and short on doing what’s required.  So is God.  God is looking for growth and fruit in the lives of His people.  Sadly, sometimes when God is looking for results His people only have an offering of excuses. What about us?  What about me?  What about you?  What excuse will we use?  Let’s be men and women who are about our Father’s business and not excuse makers who always have a worthless excuse for not doing what we are called to do. When we accepted Christ we took a vow, a vow that promised to do His will. Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says,  When you make vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools.  Pay what you have vowed–  5  Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. The Bibles says that it is better to never have said anything, then to say you’ll do something, and come back with an excuse.  Now, let’s  not be numbered with the few who make excuses, but go out and get the job done.

Shall We Continue in Sin….

In my previous post there was the disclaimer for this next series of posts, so you may want to refer back to it before reading this one. “…Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?” Romans 6:1 I have been pondering this verse for awhile. My life has been in a whirlwind for quite sometime. I have made so many excuses and none of them valid enough to justify my thoughts, words, or deeds. I had adopted a twisted philosophy, “A sin is a sin, just tell one less lie.” I’ve heard that thinking compared to the “State of Grace” theory. Which basically says you can sin now and pray later. The sad thing is I am not the only one. Many “Christians” live by this notion. It’s scary and it’s sad.

Sin in our lives is not a top secret. We know sin before we step into it. We know sin, because we consider what we want to do and then do it. Sin is missing the mark that God has set. The sin of the believer probably hurts God more, because it is His own child that has gone against Him. It may be similar your own child disobeying as compared to your neighbors child disobeying. Your child’s conduct is more important. God is hurt by the sin of the lost also, in that His creation is going against Him.The usual reason we sin is the fact that we decide to sin to fulfill our own lusts. We tend to rationalize our infractions: It won’t hurt just this once. A little drink can’t hurt. One time with that woman/man won’t hurt. (You know, two consenting adults etc.) Sin is almost always more serious than we realize.

Galatians 5:19-21 (MSG) “ 19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.”

Galatians 6:7-8a (MSG) “Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others-ignoring God!-harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.”

Wilful, deliberate sin that is committed knowingly and with a mere facade of a profession of faith is an expression of unbelief and forfeits the real gift of pardon won by Jesus Christ and conveyed to us sinners through the gospel.Sin severs our fellowship with God. Psalm 66:18 says, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.” Prayers go unheeded when we embrace the sin that cost Jesus His very life. If the phone line has been cut, you can have a top of the line phone, but you won’t to be talking to anyone. You can have the best computer money could buy, but if you don’t have an Internet hook up, you’re not going to email anyone.

Many Christians entertain sin in their life, we go to church and are involved in spiritual activities, but we will get nowhere with God if sin has blocked the line of communication. Isaiah 59:2 says, “But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear.” James 4:3 also says,  “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” The prayers of God’s people who knowingly and willingly sin against Him “boomerang” in their faces.The Bible speaks firmly to warn us about those of us who apparently deceives himself. “For if we go on deliberately and willingly sinning after once acquiring the knowledge of the Truth, there is no longer any sacrifice left to atone for [our] sins [no further offering to which to look forward].” (Hebrews 10:26 (AMP). “Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation-but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God” (Romans 8:12-14). Other portions of the Bible like 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Galatians 5:19-21 also speak about the sad phenomenon of lifestyles characterized by wilful disobedience.

God will forgive, based on our confession. Confession, however implies two things. First, that you agree with God’s evaluation of the act being sin, and secondly, that you will attempt to not fall into that sin again. We need to recognize also that confessing is not just lightly admitting that you did it, but that you have God’s feeling of disgust over that sin. There is no reason for there to be sin in the life of the believer! We have the Word to guide our path. We have the Holy Spirit to lead and guide our path. When we blow it, we have an interceder (I John 2:1) before God to be sure that forgiveness of our infractions is available.

How do we avoid infractions:
1. Just SAY NO!

2. Knowledge of what is sin, and what is not sin so that you can make your decisions quickly when tempted, and walk away from those things that are sin. Don’t hang around trying to figure out if it is sin or not. If you aren’t sure then don’t do it, and address it later when you aren’t being challenged.

3. Avoid situations that could lead to problems, or that could lead you into a situation in which you would be forced to make a decision to do or not to do.

4. Maintain your walk with the Lord at the highest and best level that you can.

As Christians we should not live knowingly in sin.  This does not mean that a Christian cannot sin, just that he does not want to sin. Yes, we all sin because we all have fallen short of the glory. But a true Christian whose heart is right tries their best to be a light. I truly believe that if we are sincere in studying the Word of God; when we worship Him and do NOT find excuses for our own sinful behavior, God will forgive us.  The key here is that we live a life as close to God as we can and that we do not knowingly (deliberately) sin as we have discussed here today. I read a quote today by R.A. Torrey, “You cannot accept Him as Saviour while you reject Him as Lord, nor can you follow Him as Lord while you reject Him as Saviour.  His intercession is for those who accept Him as both Saviour and Lord.” When we sin we are not in relationship with God.  When we sin we commit an action that is against the will of God for us. The greatest gift that God has given us is the ability to make our own choices.  We can follow our own desires, or we can chose to follow the will of God.  Accepting Jesus as our personal Savior means that we are willing to follow God’s will to the best of our ability.

Disclaimer

I felt a need to post a disclaimer for my next series of posts.  They were a hard pill to swallow for me so I know it will be for others. May the Spirit of truth challenge your heart as you read! You may appreciate the solemn injunction of the Apostle Paul’ – “Examine yourselves, whether you be in the faith… prove your own selves.” (2 Cor. 13:5) Each post is set forth in love, so you can examine your own spiritual standing in the light of God’ s Word. These messages may shock you and shake you. They were made to! But do not be angry or afraid to read on. Only the dishonest fear the truth. If your faith is real, it will stand this searching examination; if it is false, well… I hope these posts will challenge you to grow deeper in your relationship with Jesus Christ and encourage you to apply God’s Word to every aspect of your life.

It’s Been a Long Time

Hey folks…. wow I hadn’t realized until I finally went to my blog page how long it had been since I posted.  Sorry, bad Cice.  I am currently on a social network hiatus, thus giving me time to write.  So stay posted new things on the horizon. TTFN!!!!

Welcome 2009!!

If you’ve been anywhere the last two weeks, you’ve seen a lot of stuff on TV, on-line, everywhere about the pressure to make – and keep – New Year’s Resolutions. I hate New Year’s Resolutions. Probably because I’ve never kept one. My past promises of losing 50 pounds, reading the bible cover to cover or taking up a new hobby have all fallen by the wayside, leaving me a little round in the middle, halfway through the bible, and hobby-less.

We try, that part we have mastered! But, the follow through is the problem. We can never seem to turn our best ambitions into long-term successes. They say that it takes 30 days to develop a new habit, and by then, a daily routine becomes habitual. As soon as the first 30 days are behind us and we’re racing quickly towards the next 30, 60, 90; we slip up, fall down, forget, bungle and fail. And then we stop trying. That pound we shed during week one is back at some point during the next couple of weeks. We then get in our ruts, forget what it was we aspired to be or, and hope that our conscience doesn’t remind us that we failed.

Every year, we trick and punish ourselves into thinking that this time will be different. So, this year I am trying something new… Every Day Resolutions. Every day set a goal and shoot for it. Don’t worry about whether or not you’ll do it again tomorrow, just focus on today’s goal. It’s simple wake up every day and make a resolution to [fill in the blank]. Say you want to lose 50 pounds, resolve instead to eat healthy today or take the stairs instead of the elevator. And do it!!! Bam!!! You’ve done it!! You’ve made and kept a Every Day Resolution.

Try it and let me know how it works out. You have 353 days left to meet the challenge.

Out With the Old….

…..In with the new.  This is my last post of 2008.  This year has been a trying one.  I have had many successes and many failures, but yet I press.  I decided to live a life a of “No Regrets”.  The past is the past and my future is so bright I gotta wear shades, lol.  So, here are my thoughts for the last post of the year.  God Bless and see ya in ‘09….

At ends and at beginnings, my mind is usually invaded with thoughts about the past, present, and future; failures and successes; regrets and resolutions; time and eternity; and a lot more. As we come to the beginning of a new year and the ending of an old one, we often wish we could turn over a new leaf or have a fresh start. No doubt about it, there have been certain things we have said or done in this past year that we want to relish on shoulda, coulda, woulda. Personally, I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. It’s the hard times that you go through that build character, making you a much stronger person. God never consults your past to determine your future. So I can’t keep looking at where I have been, I must look at where I am going. I can’t live this New Year advertising my pain. I cannot move forward concentrating on my short comings. I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.

I have decided to no longer allow my past to dictate what my future will look like. I am letting the past go, I am changing my outlook on things. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. To let go is not to try and change or blame circumstance; I can only change myself. To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control it all. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go – is to let God!

We never know what the New Year will bring. We don’t know what problems we will encounter or what changes will come our way. Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future. Some people stay up until midnight to welcome the New Year. Others stay up to make sure the old year leaves! As you enter this New Year you can’t afford to let your past infect your present, or sabotage your future. Let go of the past and walk into your future. If your hands and heart are tightly clinched around the past, you can not grasp the new. You cannot move forward if you are continually looking in the rear view mirror! The past has passed, but your future is an unwritten book! You now have a choice. You can go into the New Year, taking everything with you, or you can go into the New Year trying your best to make sure the past is past and the future is for God.