As single women we make these lists of what our true mate should be like. Everywhere single women look, someone encourages us to find the perfect guy. Friends say, “Don’t settle.” TV, movies, and music shape our vision for the perfect mate. A conversation I had with a friend (Thanks, Head) really made me re-evaluate my list. It was so superficial. He had to look like this, he had to like what I like, he had to go to the same church as me…just dumb stuff. I’m not plumb dumb though, I know he has to be a godly man. A godly man means he loves God above all else. Loving God above all else is not a just feeling for him, it is first and foremost obedience to His Word. Loving God above all else will also mean that he seeks to cultivate a relationship with Him by reading His Word, prayer, and fellowshipping with other believers through church.
A few weeks ago I had some crazy stuff jump off with my oldest son. I was frustrated, I was at my wits end. I called/text’d three of my male friends trying to get a male perspective and at the end of the day it left me wondering about friendships. One gave me straight “macho” advice, one broke it down spiritually and naturally for me, and the other prayed for my strength, patience, and understanding. At the end of the day, I began to think about my perfect mate list and it changed. Now, I am willing to accept a short man, a poor man, an unattractive man, even a man who is not a fan of Hummus (That’s for you Tanika). However, I cannot give my consent to a man who is not a follower of Christ.
I said all that to say this….
In all honesty , there are a couple of guys out there that have my attention and combined they would fit perfectly into my “perfect man” list. That’s probably why they ALL are still around, in one way or another each of them fills a need on that list. Yesterday, I had to sit down and really evaluate each friendship/relationship/whatever you want to call it and choose. I was almost forced to…one of my would be suitors made a statement that made me uneasy all day. He told me anything worth having is worth fighting for. Now, he is willing to fight for me but, was I willing to fight for him. Was I willing to totally disregard the cons on my “list” and fight to make this thing work. I sat down looked at that list and the big things that I counted him out on didn’t seem that big any more. Nobody is perfect and I was trying to find the perfect man. So, I can honestly say now “I’m gon’ fight”. Jennifer Hudson has a song that I have been playing religiously for weeks and I really began to take the lyrics to heart last night. Being with someone, loving someone means you fight through the situations, circumstances, even the silly pro/con lists. JIP we gon fight for love!!! I’m gon fight for you and you gon fight for me!!
I read a story today that talked about a conversation between the sun and the moon. The moon asked the sun “why is it that I oft times sit in darkness ” … the sun responded, “it is because you let the world come between us”. Through the silliness of this list I had become encaged by a wall, an armor of sorts, around my heart to protect it from the potential of being hurt. That’s all that list was. But, brick by brick I will tear it down, that wall so thick and wide. Then my heart will feel again, and I’ll be new inside. I hope that through my transparency today that somebody sees the light and moves forward.
