10 Things I’ve Learned Being a Mom
26 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
1. That when you become a mom you will spend the next 10 or so years covered in some type of bodily fluid and 99.9% of the time it is not your own?
2. Do NOT do the sniff test on clothing to see which items are clean unless you are fully prepared to bury your nose in some unidentifiable, disgusting scent that will singe your nose hairs and linger with you for days.
3. Not to use the term “normal” loosely. From the moment your baby is born, you will find yourself asking, “Is that normal?”
4. Many, many, many, many mornings at 5:30 a.m., you will spend inordinate amounts of time bargaining with God for just one more hour of sleep.
5. Your child will embarrass you on deeper levels than you’ve ever been embarrassed in your life, especially when you are standing in line at a store and your 3 year old exclaims, “Whoo-wee Mommy, you farted! It stinks in here!”
6. If you did not curse before parenthood, you will afterward. If you cursed before parenthood, you will curse even more.
7. You will constantly worry that someone will call Child Protective Services on you, even though you are truly a good parent. Your child is just a lil clueless at times.
8. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
9. Children can quickly and easily memorize everything they see and hear on television. Moral of the story – I can no longer watch Weeds.
10. You WILL NOT do everything right the first time. You’ll have regrets, but learn from the mistakes and move on. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and until you’re face-to-face with an eating/pooping/crying/sleeping factory, you won’t know what needs to be done without a little trial and error.
